Documentary

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Published: Monday, 03 September 2018 13:55

TV Documentary Help

Blakeway TV are looking to speak to people going through the divorce process for a new documentary. Are you at the beginning of separating? Do you think your marriage can be saved? Or have you just got your divorce papers through? Have you experienced parental alienation? Have you had trouble with the court system? Do you think divorce laws need to change? Blakeway would love to have a chat with you. At this stage there is no pressure to be on TV, it’s just a chat on the phone as part of their research. Please email natasha.henry@blakeway.tv with a brief description of your experiences and your phone number if you are interested in helping.

If you don’t mind being contacted by FNF at a later date to assist us with personal stories (made anonymous) or for us to provide details when we have other similar media enquiries the please feel free to copy your email to admin@fnf.org.uk. 

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Could help to get an FNF meeting running?

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Published: Monday, 03 September 2018 13:54

Anyone want to help get a Swindon FNF meeting running?

We met with the minister responsible for Child Maintenence last week at his constituency office at the Orbital Shopping Park in Swindon. His office is shared a well-maintained professional community space conveniently located next to a substantial out-of-town shopping centre with ample car parking space and bus routes. The centre is available to charities to use for free. If anyone is interested in getting a local FNF meeting going, then it seems likely that Justin Tomlinson MP would be happy to support it and might even pop-in to see how things are going. If you are interested, please get in touch on admin@fnf.org.uk or call us on 0300 0300 110.

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Meeting on Child Maintenance

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Published: Monday, 03 September 2018 13:53

Child Maintenence - Make Sure Your Voice is Heard!

Many of you will be aware from our previous communications, that the Government have been consulting on the introduction of new tougher sanctions for those who fail to pay their assessed Child Maintenance in full. These sanctions include confiscating passports, taking funds from joint accounts with new partners, docking money to be paid in benefits and, eventually, state pensions, etc. They also propose to alter the way they assess the amount due so as to include many forms of unearned income. The proposals include plans to write-off much of the historic Child Maintenance arrears, dating back over 20 years. We suspect that this may be the deeper reason for these proposals and that they feel the need to be seen to be tough whilst writing-off debt that is sitting on the books. Fuller details of plans are contained in this briefing for MPs can be found in the link here.

There has been an element of revolving doors with ministers in the role of Parliamentary Under Secretary of State for Family Support, Housing and Child Maintenance. Caroline Dinenage MP and then Kit Malthouse MP and now Justin Tomlinson MP have each held the role within the last year. We have met with all three ministers, the latest one last week. It does mean that ministers are likely to be following the views of the Treasury, points that best suit the department itself with strands of policy based on whose voices are politically the loudest. Justin Tomlinson MP has only been in the role since 9^th July 2018 so we were grateful for an early meeting with him. His previous experience has been working with people with disabilities.

In meeting with Justin Tomlinson MP, we found the minister in listening mode, perhaps rather more interested in how shared-care arrangements worked than in matters relating to affordability, other than that the thresholds for paying a % of income had not been reviewed for 20 years. On shared care, there was a sense of him trying to understand better why a 4/3 days a week split of time resulted in an assessment of CM of 4/7 of the full amount.

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Father's Day 2018

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Published: Saturday, 16 June 2018 23:42

 Father’s Day Message – 2018

Father’s Day is our opportunity to celebrate fatherhood. It is a chance for all dads to be reminded that they are loved and needed by those who they have cared for and loved throughout their lives. It is a recognition of the unique and vital role that fathers play in their children’s lives.

Tragically, at Families Need Fathers, we all too often work with dads whose children will not be able to celebrate Father’s Day with them. Many of them will have in their possession an order from the Family Court to say that their children should be seeing them regularly, not least on Father’s Day, but the order will not be obeyed.

Other fathers will have no hope at all of seeing their children on Father’s Day, because they have been “awarded” indirect contact. So all they can do for the child who needs them and whom they love is to send them a letter a few times a year – in the hope that it reaches them.

Worse still, many of their children will feel pressurised to reject their much-loved dads. Sometimes this will happen through coaching, but more often it will be because their main carers make coldly clear to these young minds their feelings towards their ex-partners. Why do they do this – could they have valid reasons? More often than not it is because they would not accept that the relationship had ended, because they started a new one of their own, because they were upset that their ex has started a new relationship or because they fear that their ex’s new partner will somehow usurp or diminish their role as a mother. Of course, these reasons are driven by adult emotions and it is harmful to burden the children with them. Children have more than enough capacity to love both their parents and extended families whether they live together or apart. Parents collaborating can do so much to help children to get over their parents' divorce or separation.

It is amazing that in 2018 there are still Cafcass Family Court Advisers, judges and social workers who don’t recognise alienating behaviours or appreciate their effect – putting a child in a position of having to suppress and deny their love for their father - a love that dare not speak its name. Over the last year or two Cafcass have accepted that parental alienation is child abuse and they are beginning to develop pathways and tools for identifying it and hopefully for dealing with it too.

That said the message has not reached all of them yet. Only last week we heard from an entirely reasonable, good dad whose child has been turned against him - yet neither the Family Court Adviser nor the judge showed any interest in why this might be. Incredibly, the judge and Family Court Adviser described the father as arrogant and naive for challenging the professionals' views when they had considered the wishes of his brainwashed child. The judge’s decision was horrifying – condemning a father simply for loving their child above all else – for wanting to remain part of the child’s life. They should do better. They need to be better trained. They need to have a far better understanding of recent research into child psychology and the long-term impact on a child of having to keep secret or trying to destroy their own love of a parent in order to protect themselves from the fear of loss of the other parent. It is amazing that, despite alienating behaviours being recognised by Cafcass nationally and by many experienced judges there are still those who look out to the horizon and conclude that the earth is flat. ‘Professionals’ who ignore all the evidence from those who have sailed those seas and yet when challenged don’t even show the slightest curiosity. Why for example might a child phone and say "I really wanted to see you on Father's Day, but mummy said no" and then a few weeks later, having not seen him, say "I never want to see him again"?

Of course, there are abusive men and women and a small minority will seek to hide their abuse with claims of alienation. This does not mean of course that alienation does not happen and experienced professionals can easily tell the difference. The earth is round, and no amount of denial will make it flat.

Today our thoughts are with all the good dads out there, but most especially with all those children and their dads who are needlessly apart, failed by their main carers and failed by a broken family justice system that is behind the times. Those dads will continue to suffer every single day, as will their children, many of whom will grow up living with the effects of the daily guilt of having to deny their love for one parent in order to hold on to the love of the other.

It will be very hard for these children and their alienated parents to forgive the Government and the courts for their obstruction and inaction. But if we all work constructively together, for the sake of all those children of separated families, progress can and will be made.

We wish everyone a Happy Father's Day.  If you are a father, and you are in touch or with your children - have a great day. If you are a father and for whatever reason you cannot be with your child or children, we hope that they will be happy and much loved and appreciated in your thoughts throughout the day and in the future.

17th June 2018

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Ministry of Justice Domestic Abuse Consultation - Deadline is 31st May!

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Published: Monday, 28 May 2018 11:03

Well-intentioned plans can have devastating consequences

31^st May deadline - make sure your voice is heard!

Many of you tell us of your experience of being falsely accused of domestic violence or abuse in the context of family separation. We also hear frequently from dads who have been victims of abuse, only to then have this compounded with allegations of actually being perpetrators. It is often assumed that the reason for under-reporting by men of such situations is because of the stigma men feel. There may be something in this, however, our service users often say that it is because of their fear of reprisals in relation to them seeing their children or feeling that their experiences will be ignored by the authorities.

Please take the time to provide your input. There is a long version and a short version of the consultation document. Depending on the time you have available to you, please use the appropriate links below. The full version contains 65 questions.

 Brief Outline of Proposals

The Government are consulting on proposals to toughen-up on perpetrators of abuse and to extend it to include coercive behaviour. In particular, they propose a new Domestic Abuse Protection Notices/Orders as a centre-piece. As proposed, these would work a bit like current Non-Molestation Orders whereby a breach of such an order will result in an automatic criminal record. On the face of it such proposals may appear to serve the positive purpose of protecting vulnerable adults and children - those who have truly have suffered deserve all the support that they can get. However, we are concerned at the lack of necessary checks and balances in the system to ensure that they do not lead to an increase in its abuse where malicious ex-partners use these to undermine relationships with children in the context of family separation. We are also concerned at the lack of appropriate support given to men and in particular to fathers. The consultation also proposes a Commissioner for Domestic Violence, but we feel that this would not serve the needs of men as currently proposed and that there should therefore be a separate Commissioner or Deputy-Commissioner focused on the experience of men. Your feedback to the government based on your experiences will help to redress the balance. If you would like to read more about FNF's key concerns in response to the questions posed in the consultation then please read on.

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Families Need Fathers - because both parents matter

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Published: Tuesday, 14 November 2017 21:11

FNF is a registered charity providing information and support on shared parenting issues arising from family breakdown, and support to divorced and separated parents, irrespective of gender or marital status. FNF is NOT a fathers' rights group - we support the best interests of children - namely mature and collaborative parenting by both parents - an objective which is inadequately promoted in the family court system and associated services.

Our primary concern is the maintenance of the child’s meaningful relationship with both parents.

Founded in 1974, FNF helps thousands of parents every year.

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BBC Money Box Live: Litigants in Person

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Published: Wednesday, 09 August 2017 00:28

Litigants in Person

BBC Radio 4’s Money Box Live
Tomorrow (Wednesday 18^th April 2018) the programme will be discussing the experience of being a litigant in person, talking to one of our service users and (hopefully) signposting people to FNF. You will be able to listen to the programme live, join in, or find it on iPlayer –
see http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09z1d9k.

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Research into Men’s Experience of Female Aggression

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Published: Wednesday, 09 August 2017 00:28

Research into Men’s Experience of Female Aggression

Are you a man who has been in a relationship with a female partner, and have experienced physical and verbal aggression, emotional aggression, and/or have felt you have been controlled and manipulated by your partner or ex-partner? This may include false allegations or issues relating to your children. The questions should make it clear what is relevant.

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We Can Do More!

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Published: Friday, 12 May 2017 12:46

Here is a short video introducing Families Need Fathers to donors and supporters.

FNF has been going for over 40 years, helping parents to restore contact with their children and grandchildren when it is denied by an ex-partner.  In addition to helping parents, we work closely with many governmental and other agencies in order to draw attention to to improve the very poor state of the family justice system when it comes to difficult cases.

Every day we come across parents - mainly dads - who are refused contact with their children by angry ex-partners who want to punish them and exclude them from the lives of their children.  More than a million children in Britain are cruelly condemned to growing up today without a father in their life, too often at the mercy of angry mothers and of a system which actually encourages mothers to exclude them.

Dedicated to changing the above, FNF remains an essential part of Britain's landscape today and is a national charity with branches all round the country. Families Need Fathers needs everyone's support, not just for the dads, mums and grandparents we support, but also to make Britain a fairer and more balanced place in which to provide a future for our children.

Thank you for watching the video above and for any contribution you may like to make. Donations can be made directly through the button below or please contact us if you would like to support a particular project or campaign.

Thank you

Greg Downing
Chair and Managing Trustee - FNF

chair@fnf.org.uk

More on the issues:

CAFCASS, the "eyes and ears" of the courts, regularly ignore the alienating behaviours of some parents.  This often leads not just to denial of contact but also to open hostility by children who before separation dearly loved their dad. Even when contact is ordered by a court, it can easily be frustrated with impunity by mothers whilst attempts to secure enforcement of visitation rights granted by the courts, in 99% of cases do not result in an order for enforcement. This is a failure of the system which is not fit for purpose in these many difficult cases.

Parents regularly now claim to have suffered violence and abuse, not because they have, but rather because saying so can entitle them to Legal-Aid. The number of cases have sky-rocketed since 2014 when Legal-Aid was removed (LASPO) from all cases other than those involving (or claiming to involve) domestic violence or abuse.

Finally the DWP's Child Maintenance Service (CMS) continues the long tradition of poor performance and incompetence set by the CSA over many years - Absurd assessments are made forcing (usually) fathers to pay more than they earn or own, and forcing them live in poverty and resentment, unable to care for their children whilst their ex receives, in addition to any Child Maintenance, all the state child and other benefits and may not feel inclined to work. The old view of father-provider and mother-carer lives on in a supposedly gender-neutral country and the whole system rewards mothers financially and often otherwise for giving up work and for excluding the children's father. It is absurd that the mother's income doesn't even get taken into account in assessments of how two people who may be are ex-partners but are certainly not ex-parents should contribute.

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Manifesto for Family Justice 2017

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Published: Sunday, 07 May 2017 11:11

ELECTION MANIFESTO
FOR FAMILY JUSTICE 2017 

IN 2016 - 48,244 applications made in private law - up by 11% on 2015 ⁽ⁱ⁾

165,000 children were involved in private law orders made ⁽ⁱ⁾

£112 million was STILL being spent on the cost of Private Law Legal Aid ⁽ⁱⁱ⁾

One million children have no real contact with their fathers ⁽ⁱⁱⁱ⁾

37% of women claim they’ve been assaulted IN the Family Court ^(iv)

33% of Private Law cases neither side had a lawyer ⁽ⁱ⁾

(i)                   MoJ Family Court Statistics 2016

(ii)                 Legal Aid Statistics in England and Wales October to December 2016

(iii)                Centre for Social Justice – Fractured Families 2013

(iv)                Women’s Aid 2016

THIS CANNOT GO ON!

Families Need Fathers and FNF Both Parents Matter Cymru
have collaborated to produce a

4 point plan for the 2017 General Election:

·       REDUCE AND RESOLVE CONFLICT

·       PROMOTE RESPONSIBLE SHARED PARENTING

·       ENCOURAGE BEST OUTCOMES FOR CHILDREN AND FAMILIES

·       REDUCE THE BURDEN ON THE TAXPAYER & FAMILIES

 Downloadable version:

REDUCE AND RESOLVE CONFLICT

Some victims and survivors of domestic abuse have raised concerns that their former partners continue their abuse by making applications to the Family Court.[i]  We want to ensure that abuse cannot be perpetuated by removing the requirement to make application to the Court simply to be able to see your own children and grandchildren.

HOW TO DO IT

Improve education about Parental Responsibility – to parents, children & professionals.  Children have a right to maintain their relationship and have direct contact with both parents on a regular basis (UNCRC Article 9).  Interference with, or restriction of, this right of the child requires a Court Order. 

Introduce ‘Standing Temporary Orders’ granted automatically on application and without the need for a Court hearing.   Standing Temporary Orders set a minimum level of contact PLUS a ban on either parent moving home more than 10 miles without consent of the other parent OR the permission of the Court.

All breaches of Court Orders must be properly enforced by the Court.  Currently just ONE PERCENT of applications for enforcement are granted.

PROMOTE RESPONSIBLE SHARED PARENTING

The Child Maintenance and Benefit systems incentivise a ‘winner and loser’ attitude towards shared care. This can trap one parent (usually the mother) in a childcare role and allows the other (usually the father) to walk away from their responsibilities.  Fathers can only acquire Parental Responsibility if married to the mother at the time of a child’s birth OR by the explicit agreement of the mother to be named on the birth certificate. Academic evidence shows that non -resident fathers who see their children several times a week are almost 3 times more likely to contribute financially to their upbringing [ii]

HOW TO DO IT

·         Share the financial aspects of parenting fairly – reflecting a culture in which shared parenting, including responsibility for childcare and finances, is the norm.

·         Enact the provisions of the Welfare Reform Act 2009 to require the compulsory joint birth registration of children.

ENCOURAGE BEST OUTCOMES FOR CHILDREN & FAMILIES

Conflict and an adversarial approach currently dominate the post-separation legal landscape.  Government, charities and parents want to avoid hugely damaging courtroom conflicts over children.  The ‘best interests of the child’ need to be clearly defined in terms that parents and children can understand. 

HOW TO DO IT

·         Define the ‘Paramountcy Principle’ in simple clear and objective terms so that parents and children can understand

·         Replace the adversarial system of Family Justice with an inquisitorial one as advocated by the President of the Family Division  

·         Recognise and act to prevent Parental Alienation and other forms of abuse

·         Legislate to incorporate the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child into UK law as it already is to a limited extent in Wales.

REDUCE THE BURDEN ON THE TAXPAYER & FAMILIES

The costs of Family Law are unknown [iii] However in addition to the emotional toll on children and parents the cost of Private Law Legal Aid alone is £117m a year [iv] even after Legal Aid was supposedly stopped in 2014.  District Judges in the Family Division are paid more than £107,000 per year [v]  to work out issues that are often as complex as the length of a child’s hair or whether their father can pick them up at 4pm or 5pm on a Friday. This has to stop.  Cafcass England cost more than £123 million pounds in 2013/14 and Cafcass Cymru has an annual budget in excess of £10.4 million. This makes no sense.

HOW TO DO IT

·         Cut the financial cost of Family Justice by  implementing online processes  in the Family Court with ‘Standing Temporary Orders’ as the default position

·         Reduce the cost of Cafcass / Cafcass Cymru by reducing the need for reports in most Private Law cases.

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